Emma's take on boys and girls

There seems to be a lot of confusion between the sexes, and what do we usually do when we don't understand something? Fight about it amongst ourselves--duh. So, the debate, slash, battle between the sexes rages, in a never ending struggle for one to prove supremacy over the other. One—of many—complaints from both parties is an uncertainty of what the other truly desires from their mate.

Men, you may have heard that we females desire a 'bad' boy. The rebel. A Casanova. Someone, in which we can exclaim: “But I love him!” to Mommy and Daddy. A man's, man is what we pine after. I won't deny, there may be a molecule of truth within the rumor—who would be truly content in a stepford relationship--but that doesn't mean most sensible woman want to end up as the next feature on Cheaters and/or Cops. I understand how some of you gentlemen may misinterpret; the ol' “make them feel bad about themselves and they'll be thanking you to sleep with them” ruse works. Almost flawlessly. There are enough of us who continue to get acquainted with you biblically, that it's little wonder you would want to change your tactics. As they say, if it's not broken don't fix it.

Ladies, I know how difficult it can be to process copious amounts of estrogen and remain sane, but let me remind you of our foremothers who burned their bras in order for us to have the rights we enjoy today. Voting, driving, and being allowed out at night are just a few liberation’s they sacrificed lingerie for. There are times, in which we're even thought of as more than a womb, breathlessly awaiting to receive a male's seed—go team! Unfortunately not all of us are behaving in a favorable manner. Just ask Biz Markie, he can explain to you all about the girl he gave his heart to, after he asked if she was available, and she assured that she only had a 'friend'. A year to make love he waited! 365 days of celibacy, a difficult task for most of us sinners. The sacrifice he made was gallant, only to find his intended with another fellow, their tongue in his affections mouth. His heart? Shattered. Our excuse/argument for these types of actions? Sexual liberation, or if you want to get scientific with it: fucking like dudes. That, or you've stopped making us feel special.

Communication seems to be the obvious issue here. Men are from Mars, women Venus, and all that propaganda, with no real solution presenting itself. Oh, we've heard your complaints gentlemen, about mixed signals and what not—we just don’t care. And most of us know you're just doing what's necessary to get your pet dragon fondled. The reasons for it all are inconsequential, the real importance is that the fighting must continue. It's like the Circle of Life, it moves us all. Without it, the universe would likely fold in on itself and there would be no more sex. For anybody. We'd all be losers then.

As a bonus, I've included a link to some fascinating material correlating the male I.Q and the size of his penis. Quite informative. Friends, think about vacationing to the Congo or Ecuador.

Current Events

A sneaky shark, found his way into an English, fish—and other creatures of the water world—zoo. I'm still not sure how he got in there, but eggs were mentioned and there was some talk of Easter. It sounds like the work of The Easter Bunny—but that's just me. Either way it's stealth powers are super nifty, and could come in handy, if say, one needed to sneak into a male locker room.

An adventurous Ohio couple was caught rafting without the proper attire and later lied about their excursion. The judge, a lenient man, sentenced them to a mere 60 hours of wading in a toddler pool at a town gathering. Life jackets will be worn. Pamphlets will be passed out as well.

In naked news, if you didn't get a chance to see President Reagan's daughter—Patti Davis--when she posed for Playboy in 94', at the age of 42, now's your chance to amend that. At 58, she'll be strutting her cougerness for More magazine. Side note—she also thinks Sarah Palin is a B word, who enjoys killing defenseless animals.

Good news for bible followers. You can mark a few sins off the  “what not to do, so you don't end up in hell” list. Abortions will no longer send you into a fiery pit, apparently it's not even mentioned. The whole thing was made up! Men, tired of your wife, but can't divorce her? Don't want to pay child or spousal support? Now you can take a new. In fact you can take as many as you like. King Solomon did. Lesbians, you can now go to heaven. It's the non-virgin brides who are shit out of luck. Beware of stones. The bible also encourages erotic literature and the enjoyment of sex—see it doesn't just have to be one position. Check out Song of Songs, also known as the Song of Solomon—that rascal.Go on. You know you want to. Adultery, incest, and sex with angels are the only sexual behaviors that need to be avoided. Everything else is a 'thumbs up', have at it! Wanna enjoy a little sodomy? Go ahead, just make sure you donate to a proper charity. If that doesn't call for an amen, what does?

Diva Portia De Costa's upcoming releases

POWER OF THREE

A Walk on the Wild Side Publication

It's no fun being dumped almost at the altar, but newly not engaged Laurie decides to make the best of things and enjoy her honeymoon at an exotic Caribbean resort all on her own. The plan is to lie in the sun, read a book, do a bit of birdwatching and exploring... anything to take her mind off her rat of an ex fiance and the bimbo he got pregnant.

But it's not easy to forget about love and sex when everyone around her at the resort is getting in on. Pretty soon, she's using her binoculars to spy on creatures a bit higher up the evolutionary scale - the hot threesome in one of the adjacent cabanas, and the gorgeously hunky gay couple who are also staying just across the courtyard.

These delicious men especially fire her senses and make her forget her romantic woes, and when she realises that they're watching her while she's watching them, what else is a girl to do but accept the invitation of a lifetime, and become part of a threesome herself?

But what if her luscious faux honeymoon menage is only the beginning of better and hotter things to come?

Author's note: this is an original work, never before published.

More information and excerpt at:

http://www.portiadacosta.com/powerof3.html

Available from Smashwords, All Romance eBooks, Amazon Kindle US and Amazon Kindle UK

FORBIDDEN TREASURES

A Walk on the Wild Side publication

When Alice Porter finds a chest full of vintage curiosa at an antique market, she little realizes how her discovery of the forgotten treasures of an Edwardian disciplinarian will change her life. The sexy hoard includes a punishment ledger and a well used rattan cane, and the bygone items intrigue her husband Julian too. Sharing and experimenting with the writings and the wicked implement, the lovers begin a voyage of forbidden sensuality that shocks and thrills them both, revealing dark secrets from Julian's past and bringing the two of them closer together than they've ever been before.

Author's note: this is an original work, never before published.

More information and excerpt at:

http://www.portidacosta.com/forbiddentreasures.html

Available from Smashwords, Amazon Kindle US, Amazon Kindle UK and All Romance eBooks

Quatrain of the Lush

A glass of wine makes everything fine,

Until the glass is empty.

Two or three more will provide succor,

To greet your evenings fancy.

Underpants

On the eve of a supermoon many believe is about to bring with it an apocalypse,  I got to thinking about underpants. We are bound to see a few sets frolicking skyclad--or nearly--under the phenomena tomorrow night—one can at least hope. Wistful wishes having me hoping this guy will make an appearance as well:



                                                                             
As much debate concerned with the speculation that Chicken Little may have been right about the sky, there is another going on: Boxers or briefs? Can't decide? Go with my personal favorite, the boxer brief. Underwear too constraining? Go commando, I hear it can make your maypole larger.

To all the fellows currently incinerating their under-pant collection, hold off and check with a physician or maybe just do some extensive Googlizing. I write from knowledge that's been derived strictly from schoolyard hearsay.

 Boys, whatever your choice in undergarments may be, I think it essential every man own a pair of these:

The Lennie Small of porn stars

Skimming along in an article titled: Prevent STD's Like a Porn Star, I read all about a convenient company, Talent TestingService. They provide adult performers with test's for a variety of transmittable diseases. Conveniently providing the results for clients on the set or before hand via The Onlines.

So there I am, perusing along, gaining much of the information from the interviewed couple, who would soon begin a professional relationship. The female, Dylan Ryan, mentions that she has never contracted a venereal, has an average of five different sexual partners a month professionally, and uses condoms with men when off the clock. Awesome as that is, I had to pause when the male, Danny Wylde, informed that he contracted chlamydia or gonorrhea at least once a year. No big deal like. Nothing a dosing of antibiotics can't take care of.

Mr. Wyldes honesty is commendable, and his nonchalance is neither surprising or scandalizing. My issue with his confession was while Ms. Ryan has managed to stay infection free, he is running around contracting disease annually. I'll admit finishing the article leaves me with the impression that Danny may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but isn't there a point where one would learn? Is there no fretting that having to take antibiotics routinely might result is some sort of immunity? Does he not simply worry about ending up with a distressing case of incurable crotch rot? How many partners get a little something to regret him by before his monthly STD check catches his most resent bout of the clap?

But what's really got me stumped, is how a male, who is under the impression that the likelihood of him contracting HIV is less of a concern because he only sleeps with women, hasn't tripped, fallen into the toilet, and drowned?

I'd much rather watch this guy get his freak on:

I heart this shirt

Here is the link if your feelings are mutual and you want one of your very own. Other neat apparel can be found following said linkage. Proceed benefits go to The American Library Association.

To find out more about the origin of the quote and the humorous rant it derived from, follow the link to CensoredGenius.

Au revoir. Jusqu'à la prochaine fois.